lonely hearts
by milkchan
Summary: saitou's lover and old friend, okita, has died. He is trying to pick up the pieces of his heart when a ghost from the past comes back to kyoto. Does he just see okita in the boy, or something more? (two person effort, my girlfriend and I wrote this).
1. Default Chapter

many months had passed since souji okita's death. May as well have been days, years, who cares. Whatever.  
  
Saitou slumped in his chair. A man with less strength may have died with his lover, may as well have? But saitou took it in stride. swallowing down the tears and sobs and.. whatever. He flicked his cigarette onto the floor. Okay so maybe in souji okita's death he had lost a little more of his.. emotion. Was maybe a little colder. Who'd have thought. Blood, evil, power, killing, good. None of it mattered quite the same. Grey everywhere he looked, and hollow motions of his duty echoeing behind him. Just a shell, just doing what he'd always done.  
  
Tokio had been annoyingly more affectionate since. Perhaps out of guilt. Perhaps out of a sudden fear of death, seeing one so like saitou die so young. Her affection had driven him away from hme, he spent most nights sleeping at the station. Himura had even come by to see him. Hijikata. Shinsengumi men. Kaoru. Like he was the one who 'd died, he was getting all of this concern out of the blue.  
  
" _maybe i am dead.._ " he muttered into the stagnant air of his chamber.  
  
The men had all gone home hours ago. Night engulfed the kyoto streets and laying claim over his desk and face, darkness covering him as he sat silently in that chair, only the red glow of cigarettes, one after the other, giving way to his very presence.  
  
It took several hours, but saitou finally stood, deciding to go home and sleep properly for once that week. he sighed heavily and locked up, the streets still busy townspeople, the hour was not yet too late.. though everywhere he looked.. Saitou shoved his hands into the pockets of his police uniform. Whatever.  
  
Ghosts of what he'd lost. And passing an eatery, he saw a ghost so vivid he may have stopped. May have questioned okit'as death being real. If he cared. Whatever. His mind was playing tricks on him, maybe he was crazy. He didn't have the heart or energy to even turn his head at the young innocent face in the crowd. 


	2. 2

Soujirou wasn't sure if being in Kyoto was the smartest thing he'd ever done, but he had many doubts about the actions of his life, so one more, a comparatively trivial one, didn't cause him more than a few passing thoughts.  
  
Kyoto was a big place and although dangerous at times, he was dangerous too, when he wanted to be. No one remembered he'd been part of Shishido's Juppon who had thought to burn the city, since he had been off on the other half of the mission. There were only a few who knew he'd been Shishido's second, for who would suspect a seventeen year old boy of mass murder?  
  
But, perhaps he had slightly underestimated Kyoto, and maybe it had been a bit too soon to return. He'd been contemplating how to earn some extra money, after spending most of what he'd had on breakfast the day before, when he felt a sharp crack against his head and stumbled, world black and red and sharp.  
  
Oh right. Most of the Police here had been trained by Saitou Hajime, former shinsengumi and all around uptight control freak. And this city was important to him. They weren't the police he was used to back in the country-side…  
  
One of them hissed his name and they hauled hum up from his arms, carrying him no doubt towards the police station after they'd pulled his swords out of his obi.  
  
He ended up in a jail cell, after two officers argued over him. One wanted to break his ankle to keep him from escaping, since they'd heard he was swift and had escaped imprisonment twice already. He'd had two chances of escape since they had brought him here—three if he wanted to count the option of just killing them. But they had fed him a decent breakfast, and lunch promised to be good too.  
  
His presence was causing a bit more of a fuss however than he had expected. There were quiet mumblings and glances in his direction, and officers found excuses to 'check up' on him, giving him strange looks, as if they knew him from somewhere else. He even heard amusing things concerning Saitou off all people, and part of him wondered why some of these men were still alive.  
  
"Ano, when am I going to get to see Saitou-san anyway?" he asked. "I'm sure he's in by now" I really should pay my respects before I leave". 


	3. 3

Saitou walked in to a few chuckling officers hanging lazily around the station, chou not around to yell them into shape. He sighed and began to walk to his chamber, he was late anyways, when one of the men called out that they'd gotten someone in the holding cells. Hajime didn't care. didnt care. Small affairs that were none of his concern, he said. He heard one of them say it just might be of his 'concern' in a lashy tone under his breath, and saitou shifted his eyes.  
  
He decided to walk to the cells afterall and to the lashy officer. His hand on sword and his yellow eyes narrowed, the officers mouth fell open and he dropped to his knees, saying he was sorry to his commanding officer.  
  
Saitou's face didn't change. He didn't care enough not to do it, or to do it. So he just stood there until the younger recruit decided to get up and scamper away, tail in legs, bowing the whole time until he was out of sight. A few men behind them whispered. Ignored it and raised his eyes to the cell. Soujirou was standing there, half smile on his face, of course, but hajime felt taken back. Ghosts of his past again. Ghosts haunting him. "if you're dead, then stay that way soujisan.." he said in a low tone, under his breath.  
  
He knew who this was of course. Why was he here? he couldnt fathom talking to the boy right now, it just pained him too much. The soft tail of hair, the messy clothes, the young face. He couldn't imagine jirou had done anything new to warrant an arrest. He didnt want this boy in his station. In his city.  
  
he turned his back to him without a word. "release him, and get him the hell out of here.." he breathed, striding past dumbfounded officers and slamming the door to his chamber. 


	4. 4

Saitou breathed heavily as his men called behind him, throwing back a snarling order to get soujirou the hell out of his station, now.One of the men asked what should be done with his weapon, and saitou shrugged as he slammed his door closed and pressed his back to it, eyes shut painfully.Why the hell should he care.  
  
The young sworsdman had grown up in the few years since saitou had seen him, or rather, appeared to have grown a bit older.Hajime had never given much thought to what had happened to him after his master's defeat. Why was he wondering how the boy had faired in these few years, now?  
  
he dragged a gloved hand down his face with a snarl. It was damned okita. He didn't have try to fool himself, he knew full well who soujirou reminded him of.. souji.. even their names alike.  
  
he could hear the men doing their best to intimidate him, probably being rougher than need be in releasing him. He smirked for a moment. if only they knew what soujirou could do to them..  
  
Stop it..he thought angerly. He shouldn't be smirking at the thought of his own mens harm, no matter how worthless they were. He shouldn't be allowing a wanted criminal to leave his precinct. he did many things he shouldnt do since soiuji's death, and he wondered if losing the only thing that had mattered to him had now ruined the rest of his life.  
  
He watched soujirou stomp by the window, leaving the station, swordless and angry. he cast a look inside the thin glass, catching saitou by surprise and giving a silly smile, despite his angry look before. Saitou couldnt help by give a half smirk. He wasnt really looking at soujiro afterall. the face, the smile, it was all okita and thats all saitou could see.  
  
Okita walking away.  
  
Hajime flung the door of his office open, then, and ave a harsh look to the new recruit he'd spatted with prior, who was holding soujirous sword and laughing about something. Hajime walked behind him, grabbing the handle and jerking it away with an elbow to the officers side. He doubled over as saitou resheithed the blade and stuck it into his belt.  
  
"dont act like a fool" he muttered, going to find soujiro and give him his sword back. 


	5. 5

Saitou raised an eyebrow. A cop giving a well enough known murderer a sword in these meiji times.. He grinned and left the sword at its place on his side, twisting his fingers into the front pocket of the uniform he wore, digging out a cigarette and matches.  
  
He let a small trail of smoke leave his lips before he turned his attention back to the still amused soujirou. Ah that smile, that smell of blood on him. That tainted innocence of the child killer, he'd been. So like him..  
  
He hated to admit the peace he found looking down into soujirou's eyes. "perhaps sometime ill give it back, not now.." he said, finally.He was about to ask souji's reasons for being in kyoto but behind him he heard chou yelling to get saitous attention. When he joined them, he stared in horror at soujirou.  
  
"ah yes, old partners in crime, hn?" saitou said with a smirk, both having worked for shishio. While soujirou had left to find himself, chou, like a few others, had taken up government jobs. Funny world.  
  
He noticed a new coldness to soujirou, a new sharpness. "we all hate our past..dont we?" saitou said, absently as chou grabbed soujirous wrists and slammed his face into one of the building walls.  
  
"I get to bring you in", chou said with a chuckle. "pretty stupid of you to become a wanderer with your past, and then come here to kyoto of all places. Should have sucked it up and gotten some good positions like me and hajime.." he quirked.  
  
No sooner had he said it than saitou had drawn soujirou's blade and held it against chou's neck. The broomhead softened his grip on the kids wrists. "what the fuck, saitou?" he grumbled, finally letting go all together.  
  
Soujirou turned around with a surprised look, watching the two. Saitou didnt really know what the fuck he was doing, but it angered him to see souji held roughly. Souji..  
  
He resheithed soujirous sword. "I've released him. If tokyo wants him, they can get him. Its not my business to transport wanderers with ghost pasts..." he said with conviction, taking a drag of his cigarette.  
  
He turned and walked away from the two, off to find hot soba for lunch and take his mind away from it all.  
  
Chou turned back to soujirou. "no hard feelings then I guess. though i think i know why he's being easy on ya. Aint that cute? the old fucker has a crush. not very professional.. but then i guess it wasnt very profession when he was fucking that okita kid in his wifes house.."  
  
chou lounged his arms behind his head and stretched, then giving soujirou another glance, with a new reliaztion. "ya sure look a lot fucking like him.." he said with a nasty scowl, wandering off for the police station, leaving soujirou alone. 


	6. 6

Soujirou rubbed his cheek frowning at Chou's back as he walked away. He hadn't been fond of Chou, who had been the weakest of their group, and he couldn't help but think how satisfying it would be to stab him in the back as he walked away. But it was daylight and murder so close to the police station—and of a government official was a bit stupid. There was also the fact that he was trying not to kill anymore. Besides Chou's weakness however, his dislike had stemmed from his lack of loyalty and sense of duty. A coward. But he'd been useful, in an expendable sort of way.  
  
Only the thinnest threads of self-control had kept Soujirou from lashing back the man. He told himself that. But it had partially been because Saitou had stepped in, stopping Chou before he'd lost his temper and he'd started to fight back.  
  
"Not very professional to be gossiping about your commander's personal life." He snapped as Chou walked away, giving him a wave without turning back. How patient and tolerant Saitou must be to put up with an idiot like him. How very much like Shishio really.  
  
He sighed pressed a hand to his head, calming the dizzy feeling of anger. He hated being angry. There were worse emotions, but he generally didn't have to deal with them, and he had gotten better at dealing with being angry without completely shutting down, although at times he still had to do it, and fall back on his smile.  
  
With Chou gone, he turned and stepped out into the street, glancing around for Saitou. Since the man hadn't returned the sword, he was just going to have to convince him.  
  
He spent a bit of time questioning shop keepers and finally a girl selling flowers directed him to a small soba shop where he found Saitou. Only ordering tea, he walked over and joined the police officer, giving him one of his smiles and ignoring the fact that it was quite rude to just invite oneself to someone's table like that. He felt twitchy as two of the waitresses, joined by a third, began hissing between themselves and behind hands, giving them looks. He wanted to turn and snap at them and tell them to mind their own fucking business. But he just smiled, and tried to ignore them.  
  
"For a wolf, you leave too much of a trail, if a boy like me can hunt you down so easily." He quipped. "You still have my sword. I'd like it back." 


	7. 7

pretty demanding, che?" saitou commented, taking a break from his soba and glancing up to meet soujirous eyes as the boy now sat across from him. A part of him wondered if he kept the sword, how much of a bother souji could prove to be. A reason to keep him coming back? why would he want that? He didn't, of course.  
  
He laid the sword across the table. The inn was dark, not many customers as it was hours too late for official lunchtime meals. Soujirou took the sword with a smile, though he looked a little confused it'd been that easy.  
  
"chou is an idiot. Though I can't say i have respect for many that were in that gang.." he snided, going back to his soba. "so, masterless, friendless..is it boredom and lonliness that brings you to kyoto or something more urgent?" he prodded, in the most rude of ways to ask why soujirous was here.  
  
Soujirou leaned forward to sip his tea, his tailed hair falling over one of his shoulders. Saitou's eyes narrowed and fell back to his soba. So much like souji. He felt his hands squeeze into fists in his lap. 


	8. 8

"It's fall." He replied, looking at the waitresses serving food to the table near them, now that they'd stopped gossiping. His expression was blank while he lowered his eyes to his mug, watching the liquid quiver a bit. "It'll be winter soon enough…. I spent last winter in Hokkaido and almost froze to death. I'd rather not do that again."  
  
Saitou had narrowed his eyes at him, and he felt awkward under the yellow gaze. With his sword in his lap he didn't have any excuse to still be sitting here anymore. But he didn't have anywhere else in particular to go, so he made no move to leave. He'd have to pay for the tea anyway, so he may as well finish it.  
  
In truth, even if he didn't have anyone to admit it to, talking with someone was a bit nice. He'd never stayed anywhere long enough to develop more than casual acquaintances. Whatever Shishio and the others had been, He'd had friends among them… closeness that no longer existed in his life and he found himself craving desperately. Saitou knew who he was, knew about the past, and he didn't have to explain anything. How long had it been since he'd been able to talk to someone about something besides the weather, or where to find a clean room and bath? How long had it been since someone knew he was a wanted murderer whose master had been killed by ghosts from the past.  
  
He quietly took a sip of his tea.  
  
"I guess it's a bit stupid." He said suddenly, breaking the silence, and smiling, almost laughing. "Coming to your city to hide from the cold, not thinking I'm supposed to be hiding from the law … Well… I never was very good at thinking ahead about things like that." He laughed.  
  
"who is this person I keep being comparred to in whispers?" 


	9. 9

Saitou had been drinking his tea, but felt his throat tighten a bit at soujirou's question. He sat the cup back down, reaching into his pocket to pull out another cigarette, lighting it with ease and blowing smoke into soujirou's general direction, a disdain growing of the question, and how to answer it.  
  
"souji okita. He was the best swordsman of the shinsengumi and a friend.." He blew more smoke out, his eyes falling over the faceless people who also enjoyed their lunches at this time. "he's dead. The resemblance lies only outwardly, be assured." He meant it as an insult of course, but wasn't sure how seriously he took his own words. Saitou knew they shared quite a few traits.  
  
His golden eyes ran back over soujirou, falling down his neck and hair brushing it, down his chest and to his hands on the table. He wasn't even sure why he's humored the boy in an answer, he certainly didn't have to explain. Though, if soujirou would be staying in a taven of gossiping women, better to hear his side of it.  
  
Saitou laid a few coins on the table to cover both their lunches and stood, taking his hat from the table where he'd set it and tucking it back over his dark hair, cigarette still dangling between his lips. "i'll make your arrangements. try not to wander too far, i dont want to have to explain why youre a free man in my city." His lips curled into something of a half smile. As he began to leave he glanced back once more. "i'll check in on you later tonight, to make sure you've faired well through the day."  
  
At the front counter he talked to the owner, giving her a hefty little bag of coins to cover a few weeks stay. "police business" he said, in some half attempt to excuse it. One of the waitresses was behind the counter as well, giggling in broken words over soujirou's "goodlooks" with one of her co-workers. The same girls who'd whispered about saitou and okita's scandal. He raised an eyebrow and glanced back at soujirou. The boy was sitting comfortably turned, watching hajime, flashing some sort of confused smile when their eyes met again.  
  
Saitou groaned and rolled his eyes towards the ceiling. Really, what was he doing. The situation had to look like he had bought himself some pretty boy. nevermind that, he growled to himself, walking outside and back towards the police station, head down. He'd finish working and just check in on the kid. This was what anyone with sympathy would do. 


	10. 10

Saitou had instead gone home. Tokio was out. Infact, tokio was away. She was staying with her family in tokyo. They'd talked little about the rumors that were thick around town, the rumors of what had transpired between he and the souji. She felt shame, though. He could understand, of course. With tears in her eyes she said she had to get away for a little while. She had to catch her breath and think. Her soft hand trailing down hajime's face. "maybe you're a man no woman can understand.." even in the midst of betrayal and confusion, words to comfort the man she loved, until the very end. It was a vacation then, so to say. but who knew if it would ever end. God knows it shouldn't. He knew she deserved someone ..better suited.  
  
Alone in their home, he'd been for the last few days since she'd left. Maybe his long nights away had driven her to it. She realized the only real love he'd ever felt had died.  
Instead of going to her room, he went to the spare room souji had stayed in. The tatami matt was still rolled out, the sheets neat across it. Nothing else, really though. Hijikata had demanded to have souji's sword.  
  
Saitou sank his knees into the soft bedding, pressing his face into the blankets, inhaling souji's smell that was barely there anymore. He squeezed his eyes shut and in the dark cold house, on the floor that was settling with dust; on the floor he'd once sat and laughed, on the floor hajime had made love to souji, he wept. His fists tightened into balls and he cried into the blankets, his sword still at his side, his blue uniform wrickling in this croutched position. His hair mussled down into the blankets, and as he picked his face up long strands of it stuck to his wet face.  
  
Noone was there to comfort him, but when had saitou ever needed that. As daylight broke to orange dusk, he tore his jacket off and collapsed onto okita's once-bed. He laid like that, in the darkening house. noone to tenderly turn on lights and ask him what was the matter. Blackness grew around him.  
  
The wolf of mibu was alone. 


	11. 11

Soujirou watched Saitou leave, giving a small wave and pleasant smile. He was descended upon by two of the girls, one filling his cup of tea so he couldn't escape the other assaulting him with a list of questions. He laughed, although a bit strained, unsure of how exactly to answer without revealing anything. Women made a habit of being nosy, and anything he said would no doubt be used as fodder for their gossip.  
  
His encounter with Saitou however had started bothering him. A seed of doubt, curiosity and confusion was firmly planted in him. Instead of teasing the girls as he might normally have done, he turned their tactics back to them, asking useless questions about Kyoto that he already knew the answers to.  
  
But he distracted and bored them enough that they eventually wandered back to their jobs, thinking him dull, which perhaps he was anyway. Just before leaving, to take a walk around, learn the neighborhood (that couldn't be considered wandering too far… he decided) he caught hold the nosiest of the girls, pulling her aside. The one whose giggles had been the loudest.  
  
"The boy… Okita Souji… do I really resemble him that much?" he asked. The girl's eyes widened and she nodded her head. "Quite a bit actually." She replied. "Although you're perhaps a bit older. But you even wear your hair the same…"  
  
He smiled, thanked her and then slipped out of the tavern. Once in the streets, he wandered about, getting a feel for the area. It was a busy part of town, and the police officers he encountered eyed him with suspicion. But they didn't club and arrest him this time, so he gave them pleasant smiles.  
  
Once back at his room, belongings tucked away, he sat by the window, resting his arms on the frame of the lattice watching people in their pairs and trios until the pain he'd associated with the word loneliness drove him away from it. The ponytail brushed the back of his neck, having grown since he'd taken his leave of Shishio. His swords were set aside, but he drew a small knife and with a quick motion, sliced it off, before going to his bag and searching for the small mirror he kept, so he could fix it. He ended up having to go bother one of the girls downstairs to even it out, but in the end he had his short hair back, the style he'd had it before Kenshin had unlocked his emotions. But he couldn't be Kenshin… he didn't have the knack for making friends that the former battousai did. But he wasn't Soujirou the Tenken either anymore. He also wasn't this Souji Okita that people mentioned, and felt a bit lost as to who exactly he was supposed to be. 


	12. 12

Hours of night had passed until saitou finally sat up. He'd dozed on and off. He stood and made his way out, grabbing his jacket and hanging it neatly by the door. His western pants he left on, with his white undershirt and messy every which way hair that he smoothed down around his face. He'd been sloppy with it lately, it had actually grown down past his nose, and tickled now that it hung down this way.  
  
He opened up the door, deciding he'd better make sure the kid hadn't gotten himself arrested...again.  
  
....  
  
At the tavern the waitresses from before were gone, replaced by the evening help. They smiled to the cop and began to ask him what he'd like, but he ignored them and pushed past, walking up the stairs and heading for one of the small rooms, the only one he saw a light on, in.  
  
He knocked once and then pushed the door open, finding soujirou turned to see who had come, but sitting at the window with fluffy, shorter hair framing his face. Saitou half smiled. "I see you found something to entertain yourself with.." he said. He was half sad that he wasnt a reflection of okita anymore, and half happy he didnt have that aching pain in his chest while looking at soujirou, he'd had before.  
  
He stayed there at the door entrance, not really sure what to do, so he lit a cigarette. He could hear the stairs squeak, and glanced back and watched the stairwell, finally seeing a young girls face pop around the side. She gasped when saitou raised an eyebrow at her and went running back downstairs.  
  
He turned back to soujirou. "nosey girls.." he muttered, letting his fingers shift through his long hair, feeling it fall back into his face as soon as his white gloved hand moved from it. 


	13. 13

Soujirou glanced up, hearing the knock on the door. It had gotten dark, and he'd been watching people in the hanging lantern light as they passed,  
heading out for dinner and entertainment. Kyoto had an active night life,  
and he might have wanted to go out and enjoy it, had circumstances been different.  
  
He felt a sudden twist to his stomach when Saito opened the door. Although he'd chatted with the girls downstairs, and one of them had taken it upon herself to bring him tea every now and then, eventually they'd grown tired of his attempts at conversation when it was clear he wasn't going to give them bits of gossip they could share and laugh amongst themselves with.  
  
"Ahhh." he agreed, a disappointed they hadn't been more eager to be friendly. But he couldn't blame them. They dealt with customers all day who probably tried the same. They gave him no more politeness than required of them.  
  
"But.. the hair suites me, doesn't it?" He asked smiling and touching the back. It was a bit strange for his neck to be bare like that, but strangely comforting. "I decided it might be best not to be confused with your friend..at least, not as easily." He said, giving a laugh. They told me I wore my hair like him. I thought it might be better than like this."  
  
He stopped speaking, his smile struggling. Saitou hadn't made any move to come into his room. He didn't really care why he'd cut his hair. He was only here because he had only said he'd check up on him, not so that they would have conversations. He was business to Saitou. More so even than to the girls downstairs. He wondered if maybe he should have stayed to small towns. Hearing laughter and conversation outside was hard. He felt like an intruder to this place. It was worse really, than being alone, because he was still alone in a sea of people all who had found a place. Even Saitou had found a home here.  
  
"Thank you for taking the time to check up on me." He said softly, turning back to the window a moment.. "I don't really have anywhere else to go, so I'm sure it will be easy keeping an eye on me. even if I wanted to, I don't think I could disappear into the crowds here."  
  
He gave a smile, over his shoulder/ "Like the girls downstairs, I'm nosy too. I asked about your Okita Souji. he was well loved, wasn't he? People I talked to said nice things about him."  
  
The look on Saitou's face made him stop. He would have liked to be friends with Souji, but stopped himself from saying so, sensing the danger behind the topic of conversation.  
  
"Sorry. I probably shouldn't speak like this." He lowered his eyes from Saitou, the smile he'd struggled to keep, fading finally while he stared at an empty teapot. 


	14. 14

Saitou ignored the bits about souji. it wasn't a topic he cared to discuss. Instead, he went back to soujirou's hair. "it suits you fine.." he said, blowing out smoke and stepping into the room, uninvited.  
  
He eased himself into a sitting position near the wall there, across the room from soujirou, but at an angle he could watch him easily.  
  
Both of them were alone, so what did it matter if he sat here with the boy. Besides, despite soujirou's naive following of an evil master just for the sake of not being alone, saitou had respected him as a fighter, as a good one who'd rivaled the battousai..had it not been for those pesky emotions he seemed unable to control..  
  
He saw soujirou's smile had faded and he seemed intent on the teapot. Saitou closed his eyes and let his head rest against the wall, blowing out white trails of smoke without sound.  
  
"maybe you need to find a job.. some direction, instead of wandering around feeling lonely and sorry for yourself.." he finally said. "work with chou at the station? hmm thats be funny.." saitou trailed off, half smiling to himself at the thought of the two with swords to the other over something like a lost report.  
  
A small knock and a young girl opened the door. She was bringing warm tea for soujirou, and laid it before him, removing the other pot with a bow. Her cheeks flushed as red as she glanced no farther up than his chest, not daring to meet his eyes as she backed out. She glanced to saitou.  
  
"oh fujitasan!" she said happily. "is there any word from tokyo on your wifes return? She must surely be planning on coming back and we miss her at-"  
  
"no" he said with sharp yellow eyes, dragging his cigarette from his lips and stuffing it into the teapot she held.  
  
Taking the hint she backed the rest of the way out, closing the door gently. 


	15. 15

Soujirou thought about a job and nodded his head lightly at the suggestion.  
He'd thought about that too when he'd first come to Kyoto. Jail of course had interrupted his plans and then the course of events of the day. But he would need one eventually, if he stayed in Kyoto. Saitou was being generous,  
but it would run out sooner than later and he'd have to be able to afford a room for winter.  
  
When Saitou mentioned working he Cho, he couldn't hide his surprise at such a suggestion.. Chou and the other men there. he had a suspicion he wouldn't get along very well with them if he stayed there for long. Besides that,  
there was something strange about working for the police after trying to overthrow the government. However beneficial to them, it did seem a fair bit odd.  
  
"I vanished before the government could offer me a deal." He said, checking to see if the tea had seeped enough. " But, I don't know if I could bring myself to work for the meji." he murmured, lid making a light clink as he replaced it and waited a bit longer.  
  
. "And I would probably cause more problems being there, than I would help solve.Chou isn't fond of me. neither would be you rmen, either I think."  
  
Souji was hesitant to make a decision either way however and indecision lingered in his voice, He wasn't really sure if it was a real offer,  
besides that. But it was an interesting idea. If nothing else worked out,  
there was that.  
  
He poured a cup of tea and offered it to Saitou.  
  
"Ayumi-san.the waitress. mentioned your wife was out of town. Is she away on business or just to visit?" he asked. He'd suspected there had be a reason Saitou had enough free time to be here and not with his family. His wife's absence was as good a reason as any to busy oneself with work and explained,  
in his mind why the man was here so late in the evening, when a married man should be heading home to his wife. 


	16. 16

saitou let out a sigh. "my wife is away for personal reasons.." he offered. "hnn.." his eyes fell down to his legs. "well, shes away because of me.." his voice lowered a bit and he coughed and took the tea soujirou was offering to him.  
  
He didn't care to talk about that, either. Saitou stood and made his way over to the window where soujirou had been sitting when he first came in, and glanced down at the streets of kyoto. All the lanterns were lit, happy couples and laughing groups walking down the streets. vendors trying to sell the last bit of their things before the hour was too late and they had to pack up.  
  
It was one of those nights okita would have liked to have been taken out on. He'd always enjoyed watching the people, but was too ill for sometime in the end to ever go out.  
  
"you should go out at night and enjoy the city..." saitou said absently, his eyes turning away from the happy faces to the nighttime sky, and the large yellow moon. "you should enjoy what you can while you have the time.."  
  
His words seemed like advice to him, but for who? he wondered if this feeling that he'd never be happy again.. if going home and crying into a cold futon.. if losing the taste for his duty were insults to okita's memory. Souji would have never tolerated such silly things from saitou when he were alive.  
  
Hajime searched the sky. "do you ever miss shishio?" he asked, not a warm wondering tone, but flat. He wasn't very good with intimate talks.  
  
So caught up in the moon, he didnt even notice his tea cup leaning down, and finally the hot tea seeping into his white shirt. He growled absently and glanced down at the large brown stain. 


	17. 17

Soujirou wanted to ask Saitou what the point of going out would be. Kyoto was a city of activity, but it seemed sad to do things on his own. He wanted to ask Saitou if he thought it was worse to be alone in a crowd, or alone in his room, but it wasn't like him to seem outwardly unhappy, and such a comment would be a clear indication that he was dwelling on it.  
  
He was caught off guard by Saitou's question about Shishio when he didn't answer. Something of an interrogation then he wondered. Perhaps that had been the reason he'd come here. To gauge the boy. Test him perhaps to see if he deserved the freedom he was offering.  
  
"He raised me." He said as reply. "He never cared for me, or looked after me, but he kept me at his side… Sometimes he would touch my shoulder and say I did well…" he knew Shishio had kept him around because he'd been a formidable weapon. A tool. But he tried to think that maybe Shishio had liked him a bit, more than the others who really were tools to him; like a favorite sword among many perhaps, or if like Hojo and Usui he had just been useful and thus kept close… But part of him knew it didn't really matter. He had chosen Shishio and he had chosen to walk away. Even if Shishio weren't dead he wouldn't have been able to return to him.  
  
Soujirou was smiling again; too happy of a smile to be real, but it flashed to surprise as Saitou dumped the tea onto himself. He stopped and pulled his handkerchief from his sleeve half rising from his spot on the floor to offer it.  
  
"You didn't burn yourself did you?" he asked in alarm. 


	18. 18

Saitou took the hankerchief and rubbed it across the stain with a groan. "eh.." he raised his white shirt and touched the tight muscled skin of his stomach. "no burn.." he said, not really caring if there had been one. he glanced up to see soujirou's eyes on his stomach, and let his shirt fall back down. He'd just been looking with concern.  
  
He handed the cloth back to soujirou and smiled halfway. "Well, I can touch your shoulder and tell you you did well if you work for the meiji...is that all it takes to get you to work for one? you're so easy soujirou.." he said with another half smile, lighting up another cigarette.  
  
"well if you want to go out, i'll go with you.. i mean.. ive nothing else to do.." he said, adding on the last part to try and make it sound nonchalant and unimportant. His eyes settled back on soujirou as his lips drifted white smoke. He didnt blow it out, but let it seep out and around his face, around his shaggy hair as he watched the younger man. He felt better around soujirou, and he didnt know why. Perhaps he liked having someone to look after and fill his time with. Maybe he liked being in the company of someone he knew was just as lonely as he was. 


	19. 19

Soujirou studied Saitou a moment, putting the tea-stained cloth on the table before he nodded his head, not even trying to hide the childish enthusiasm that sprang up at the prospect of going out. "I think I'd like to go out then… since you'll keep me company and the police wont hassle me if you're with me.You can act like a guide and show me all of the nice places to go!"  
  
He'd abandoned the small table and the tea sitting there cooling rapidy, busy searching through his pack for something, ignoring the random belongings where they fell as he dug to the bottom of the bag, only stopping when he pulled out a pair of clean white tabi. Being an indifferent housekeeper, he left most of his things scattered around the corner the bag had been in, pulling the socks on eagerly and straightning the pleats in his pants as if were going to meet someone important. He might be years older than he'd been when they'd first met, but he still had exuberance about him that was breaking through the shell of lonliness he'd had..  
  
As he and Saitou headed down the stairs, he stopped and glanced up at Saitou behind him, smile touching his lips. "I've only ever called one man Master… I've yet to find another to devote myself to. I don't think I'm easy." He folded his arms behind him and continued down the stairs, a light bounce to his steps.  
  
He and Saitou left the tavern, stepping out into the lamp lit and crowded street. He glanced up at Saitou, arms still folded lightly behind his back. "Kyoto's your home. Where would you suggest we start, Saitou-san?" 


	20. 20

Saitou raised an eyebrow. Soujirou was actually much different than okita, and he had to stop wishing for someone to take okita's place. Soujirou was actually intriguing him. master..hmm.. he thought absently. He wondered what sort of things being a master entailed? Ah, going out was making him think silly things.  
  
He hated to admit it as they stepped outside, but saitou was a rather dull person, and wasn't really aware of fun things to do, as it were. He knew places as a cop that would probably interest soujirou, but he didnt want to be in any gambling or unlawful scenes.. hell, this was bad enough. Sidecompany to a wanted killer.  
  
A few vendors were already packing up their things as saitou began to lead the way to an area he liked that wasnt too terribly far. He paused and bought candy for soujirou, stuffing it into the boys hand without a look down at him.  
  
Soujirou seemed content. "where are we going saitousan?" he asked absently. "Koen.." the stern faced cop said simply. "the cherry trees are very pretty this time of year.." He glanced down, now. He wasn't sure if this was soujirous idea of fun, but he found it peaceful, and it was nice to just get out, no matter where one went.  
"what would you have us do?" he wondered outloud, genuine currosity touchign his eyes.  
  
The bright lights of the lanterns that hung along thick cord up and down the walkways seemed warmer than usual. A few people glanced at captain fujita and his pretty little boy, and he gave them menacing looks that somehow softened each time soujirou spoke and he found himself glancing down into wide, happy eyes. 


	21. 21

Soujirou had laughed when Saitou bought him a treat. He'd had a sweet tooth when he'd been with Shishio, but it had been bred out of expectations. They had expected him to act like that, so often he had, using a box of cookies as a cover for a well hidden note. But Kyoto sweets were good and the one Saitou bought him didn't last long, and he found himself smiling, genuinely pleased.  
  
They walked through the street, close enough to be 'together' but distanced,  
as they were still unsure of each other. Saitou walked few steps ahead of him, leading, unless he slowed to pass a group of people crowding an area,  
or Soujirou lagged to look at something or read a store sign. "nee.  
Saitou-san. where are we going?" he asked.  
  
"Koen."  
  
The stern reply didn't hinder his delight. He'd heard about the area, famous for it's trees and night-viewing. He was impressed with Saitou's choice and was glad he'd offered to take him out, else Soujirou might never have happened upon the area. at least not on a perfect evening for blossom viewing.  
  
Soujirou's eyes widened at the sight of the trees in full bloom, heavy with leaves and glowing. He looked over at Saitou who was standing back, arms crossed, and then back at the trees and bit his lip before walking forward and crouching down to take a handful of fallen petals from the ground. He knew the stories behind sakura.. why the petals were pink, the warriors beneath them. He'd been told the stories as a child, and knew their symbolism towards Samurai, and it was all so very lovely and bittersweet.  
  
"It's lovely here. and so sad." He was straightening when the breeze chilled his cheeks. He touched them and found them damp. He swore softly and scrubbed at his eyes, before letting his handful of petals drift off. He hated when he was overwhelmed by irrational emotions like this, triggered by something he didn't recognize, and lost control. It happened less than it did, but it was still embarassing.  
  
"Fucking emotions." he swore, pressing his palms to his eyes, trying to stop the tears before Saitou noticed and teased him. 


	22. 22

Saitou had folded his arms and stood back a bit as soujirou gathered handfuls of petals.  
  
"and so sad..." though the boy had his back to hajime, he watched the petals drift off from his hands and a more meloncholy silcence than hajime would have had from the boy at this nice place.  
  
His hands were struggling with his eyes, and saitou's own eyes went sadly to the petals at his feet.  
  
Should he have not brought the boy here? He'd known soujirou was an emotional wreck.. though nothing wrong with emotions if they didnt get in the way of fighting.. and he'd like to think the boy would never have to kill again.  
  
Laughter from couples walking outside the park, and the futile wiping motions hajime saw as he stared over soujirou's back. He may have grown up a bit, but he was still a child. Not like souji. Souji had a certain innocence about him. Soujirou had only youhtlost sadness. Where souji had been encouraged to be childish, soujirou had had his childhood taken away from him before it ever began.  
  
Hajime felt a tightness in his chest. At first he thought to pull out a cigarette and ignore the boys tears, but he figured perhaps that's what everyone else in soujirou's life had done. You cant heal if you never get the chance..  
  
He walked a few feet closer and hung an arm around soujirou in a nonchalant easy way, pulling the boy closer to his warm body. he stared up at the cherry blossoms falling down, making sure to avoid soujirou with his eyes so as not to make him feel awkard.  
  
Saitou coughed and stared up with his arm around soujirou and the pink petals falling into both their hair.  
  
"it's okay.." he offered. 


	23. 23

He tensed with Saitou's arm wrapped around him, and he looked at the older man with surprise. He half expected a biting comment from him, but got a gruff, awkward "it's okay," instead. And it felt like it was. Saitou had his serious look in his eyes, staring up at the tree, and it made him smile just a bit. He didn't like this weakness-he still had issues with the idea of being weak-but for just this little while, he decided it might be ok.  
  
His tenseness faded and he found he enjoyed the arm around him. He wasn't sure if he was feeling comforted or something else. It was strange and new but he was more or less sure he liked it, he just wasn't absolutely positive because of the nagging embarrassment at his uncontrollable tears, which hadn 't stopped yet.  
  
"It's so pretty here." He said, feeling the need to make conversation, and looking up at the trees. There were soft voices, some confused and no doubt wondering why on earth he and Saitou were crouched down as they were.  
But the voices weren't enough, and Saitou was characteristically stoic.  
  
"I'm glad you showed them to me... I'd like to see them again in autumn,  
when the leaves are red and brown and falling."  
  
He laughed suddenly and gave Saitou a smile. A conflicting mess of distinct emotions, none of which he was sure he was feeling properly. "I'll try not to cry next time. I don't know why I can't stop. or why I started in the first place. I'm sorry if I'm embarrassing you.people are looking at us..." 


	24. 24

"well.. if you want to see the trees here in autumn, i guess youll just have to hang around for them..".. saitou said lightly.  
  
People were casting strange glances, so he cleared his throat and let his arm fall away from soujirou's shoulders, the boys cheeks still damp. He'd enjoyed this. Maybe because he hadnt touched anyone since okita's death. It just felt.. nice.  
  
"you're not embarrassing me.." he mused out loud. The air was chilly and he stood. "come.." he said lightly, his back to soujirou but his head turned to glance at him.  
  
The boy nodded and stood, following behind. 'ill just have to give him some direction..' saitou thought.  
  
They headed back out into the streets, a familiar face gawking at them. Chou still in his work uniform, a bag of sweetbuns in his hand and some prettyfaced girl saitou had never seen clinging to his arm. He started laughing at the sight of the two, and saitou scowled and grabbed the bag of buns from him and handed them to soujirou, leading them on.  
  
Chou shouted a few times, but saitou had to only cast a look back to quiet him.  
  
"well.." saitou started. It was getting late and they were back at the tavern/sobashop. He stuck his hands into his pockets and looked up at the window to soujirous room, not sure if he should suggest they have some drinks.. or if he should get going and let the boy rest. 


	25. 25

By the time they had run into Chou in the street, Soujirou had managed to stop his tears, and wipe away most of their traces, only a content half-smile remained, although he found himself laughing openly as a bag of buns were dropped into his arms. He wondered idly if he were just having strange reactions, but no. he wasn't fond of Chou and Saitou's brand of bullying was genuinely entertaining. As he passed by, he dropped one into the sword-collector's hands, winking at the girl as he passed by, catching up to Saitou.  
  
"ahh.. I think that would be a perfect reason why I shouldn't work for the Meji." He said, still almost-giggling at the incident, and pulling a bun from the bag to offer to Saitou, before biting into one himself. How long would it be until he and Chou were at eachother's throats?  
  
"But maybe it wouldn't be so bad working for you." He said chewing his lip in thought. "Not that I want to decide just yet." He added, blushing a bit.  
  
He wasn't sure afterall if he should be making that sort of decision after a flurry of uncontrollable emotions; but he felt good and he didn't know when the last time he had felt this good had been.  
  
It certainly wasn't any time in the recent past.  
  
"ne. Saitou-san." He paused awkwardly for a moment. " If you don't have to hurry home, you're welcome to have something to drink with me. I mean, I've had fun tonight, and it's still early and it would be a shame to let these buns to go waste while they're fresh, and ."  
  
Blushing suddenly and stuffing the last piece of bun into his mouth, using it as an excuse to stop talking, he glanced aside and shifted the bag in his arms a bit. 


	26. 26

saitou paused, looking down at the flustered boy, whose cheeks were puffy with buns and an embarrassed pink across his face as he averted his eyes and looked to all the passer-byers.  
  
Saitou didn't say anything, but led the way inside the tavern, not stopping at a table for friendly drinks downstairs, but waving his hand for one of the waitresses to follow with sake. He led the way to soujirous room, casting a wry smile back at the boy as the went up the stairs. "I think you'd enjoy working for me.." he offered vaguely. He didn't say the meiji government, which would have been more accurate. No, if soujirou worked under him, he knew it would have little to do with allegiance to this government, but saitou would enjoy being able to watch after him and give him orders, constructive things to do with his time. Turn him into a man who could control his emotions... but who was saitou to talk, he was beginning to feel unsettled as this night made them grow closer.  
  
Downstairs there was live music, soft instruments and a gentle female singer whos voice drifted up the stairwell as they settled to sitting positions across from each other on the tatami matts. A young waitress sat cups and sake between them, looking to each with suspicion as she backed away with a bow.  
  
On soujirous window a soft pelting of rain began to fall. _'complete power over me.._' the voice was so gentle downstairs. Thunder crackled, and suddenly the smell of sake and soujirou's gentle smile and soft eyes.. that damned infuriating music.. saitou felt sick. '_this is my heart bleeding before you..._'  
  
"stupid kyoto weather.." he muttered, feeling his eyes glow golden and hard. He felt utterly lost as he stared at soujirous smile.  
  
Saitou stood and began to fumble with an excuse, saying he forgot a report at the station..As soujirou stood and offered to see him off, he said no hastily, turning and walking stiffly down the stairs without a glance back. _'think ive mistaken you for somebody else..._' the females voice filled with emotion as he slammed his hands into the tavern door and made his way back into the now emptying, puddlefilled street.  
  
His hair sogged down into his eyes as he stared up at soujirou's window from outside, it was glowing warm with yellow light. He saw the boy go to it and look down at him, before he couldn't stand the singing anymore, and clammored down the street, towards an empty home. 


End file.
